I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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