I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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