i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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