3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there is glitter all over my balls
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