Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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