i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize