Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
