Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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