Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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