Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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