Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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