omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
