i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
