There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
