his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
