you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
