Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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