just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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