He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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