Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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