You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
