my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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