dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
