yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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