Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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