He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
