why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
