Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
