the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
