Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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