A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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