I bet he comes in French.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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