he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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