im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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