Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he shaved USA in his pubs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
