You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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