It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
