Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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