I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
