The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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