i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
