Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
