Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize