We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
