JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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