I wish my penis had an off switch
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize