I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
