There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
