I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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