He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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