You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
