I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
4 words: hood of his car
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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