i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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