i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
