I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
