One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
