You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize