I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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