She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
