I hate all girls vehemently.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
