i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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