dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
