he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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