saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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