Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
