Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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