i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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