You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
