Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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