WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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