I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need a beard to bite.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
