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'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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