Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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