you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
