GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize