I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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