Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
