your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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