Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
