I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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