very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
