I think I am morally bankrupt
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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