I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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