Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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