Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
