i would punch a child for taco bell
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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