Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
