I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
