So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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