Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
