dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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